i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
