Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
