after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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