This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
