I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
