She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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