Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
