What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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