So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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