Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize