Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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