You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize