I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
