Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
