This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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