I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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