Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
