Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
