Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
