i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
