what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is classic penis vs brain.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
