hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
