totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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