Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
