She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
