You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
