you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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