Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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