it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
