he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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