Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
