He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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