so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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