party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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