Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
