All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
