Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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