i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
