Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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