Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
