I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
