I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
