My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
