On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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