apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
