He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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