omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
