East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
