6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
