she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
