New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
