I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
