Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize