As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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