So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
