I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
