I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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