phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
