porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize