you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We left the knife in your bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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