I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize