I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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