You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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