Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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