i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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