I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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