I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
