she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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