Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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