i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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