Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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