If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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