Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize