So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
