i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize