The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just tell him i said nine months
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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