What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
