I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Someone signed my nipple.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
