Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
