The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
