i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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