I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
