Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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