I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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