totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
