Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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