i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
