Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
