weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
