I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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