morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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