Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
