Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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