i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize