I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
