Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
