in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
